Fury Rising

This post isn't about my self pity or my sorrow. No, this one is about my fury, frustration and anger. But this fury isn't directed at anyone you know. This fury is all for someone else: for me.
I have noticed a pattern in my life. A vicious cycle that leaves me more battered with every time I run through it. The thing that frustrates me most, is that I can never do anything to stop myself from running down this beaten path. Every time, I think "Maybe this time it will be different," or "Perhaps this time I have a chance." Every time, that spark of Hope catches on something in my desires, and I can't help but burst into a feverish flame. Except, when everything plays out to the end, I'm left with bitter nothingness.
Not even ashes.
When people run in circles it's a very, very mad world.

Laying the Groundwork

I've suspected this for quite some time now. Someone once told me that there is no happiness without suffering before it. If you are happy now, you probably had to suffer to get there, or more likely, someone else suffered before you. My current trials are part of a preparation that will allow me to fully apreciate what comes ahead. Or not. Who can say? However, this knowledge gives me no solace, as I don't know when this trial ends. C'est la vie. C'est la guerre. C'est la amor.